ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and RESILIENCE

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

Q: How do I develop resilience?

A: Turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

Most of us say we want to be stronger, more adaptable, more resilient, and then when life throws us learning opportunities, we shy away from them, resent them, complain about them.

Unfortunately, the way to get stronger, more adaptable, more resilient is not going to be found by sticking with the tried and trusted, by seeking to stay put. Only by allowing ourselves to be tested are we going to be able to develop the strength, adaptability and resilience that we say we want.

Sometimes we don’t have much choice. Life takes no notice of our safety first slogan. It slams into us, demanding that we sit up and take notice, that we sit up, take notice and take action. Sometimes we just feel that the time is right to do something different. We begin to realise that if we want our lives to expand then we are going to have to start stretching our comfort zones.

Resilience is a great thing to have, a great thing to develop. For with it comes confidence, confidence that we are going to be able to cope no matter what life throws at us. This is why, although we may not welcome problems, set-backs, obstacles, if we can view them as learning opportunities we will not be defeated by them.  We may even come to see them as blessings in disguise.

When we look back we surely see that the times that we most grew were not in the sunny uplands of our lives, but in the difficult and dark times. We should take comfort from this. We came through then and we will come through again. And all along, our resilience is being fired in the heat of adversity. That is the pay off for our trouble.

I wrote “RESILIENCE” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones?
  • How have you developed your own resilience?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

RESILIENCE

 If we would be resilient, we’ll have to find a way

To transform the different challenges that face us every day

Into learning opportunities, and go to any length

To use them as raw material to grow our inner strength.

We might wish that life was easier, more kindly, more benign,

Long for days when storm clouds pass us by, and let the sun just shine,

But if this our wish were granted, not much growing would go on

For our resilience would wither if the sun just constant shone.

And so, although our first reaction to a setback may well be

A resistance to perceive it as an opportunity

To develop our resilience, to stoke our inner core,

Let’s remember that each challenge met helps us grow that bit more.

And it’s great to have a knowing emanating from within,

That adversity won’t break us, but will help us to begin

To build up our own resources, reinforce them, and renew

Our commitment to our courage, for we know we’ll see it through.

And so next time we face an obstacle, a problem, let’s commit

To embrace this raw material and do our best with it,

So, when we look back from the future from a place where we feel strong,

We see the challenges we faced were there to help us all along.

© Corinne Shields 2019

If you enjoyed “RESILIENCE” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

Those of you who are regular visitors to this blog will know that I am in the throes of self publishing a book. And I am having to practice a lot of resilience I can tell you.

Because I do not have the requisite technical skills, it would be very easy to throw in the towel. There is always something else to learn and although I like learning, when it comes to things technical I lack confidence and really doubt my ability to carry it through.

I would love someone to come along and do it for me, and of course I could pay someone with the expertise to do just that. But, the mean-streak in me says, “You can do this and if you can learn to do it once you can learn to do it again and again, and that will save you a heap of money.”

When it comes to cover design I surrender. I can’t do that and I am more than willing to pay, but the technical stuff I feel I should be able to master. So, I carry on. I carry on in the hope that along the way my resilience in not giving up will pay off, in more ways than one!

From an ACT point of view, I think I am acting in accordance with ACT principles. I hope I am. I am accepting my limitations where it is wiser to do so, and I am ploughing on to change the things I can. And I am letting my values lead me. This book, this series of books, is important to me, is in line with my values. If I continue to build my resilience I believe that will see me through.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and THE REAL THING

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

Q: Why is it so important to do the real thing?

A: Because if you don’t you are only play acting. You’ll be hollow at your core.

It’s not easy saying no, especially if we’re used to saying yes.  It’s not easy disappointing people, especially if we are people-pleasers. It’s not easy upsetting someone, especially if we crave their approval. It’s not easy, but sometimes it’s essential.

It is not good for us to constantly put our own wishes, needs, desires on the back-burner. It’s not good for us to automatically put other people’s priorities before our own. It’s not good for us to quickly consign our own plans to the bottom of the heap just because someone else implies theirs are more important. None of this is good for us, for our sense of self worth.

What message are we sending to ourselves when we say that what we want is not important, what we like doing is insignificant, what matters to us is not worth prioritising?

We do teach other people how to treat us. If we are always ready to let their needs over-ride our own, we should not be surprised if they don’t think our needs are important. If we don’t value them, why should anyone else?

We all have things that matter to us, really matter. These are the things that make us feel right, at ease with ourselves, in harmony with our deepest being. These are not things to trivialise, to treat with disrespect. These are the things that for us are the real thing. Of course our real thing won’t matter to someone else. Why should it? They have their own real thing to bother about.

The trouble is that when we don’t do what matters to us, when we neglect the things that make us feel alive, we will pay a price. We will feel jittery and dis-satisfied inside because we are not feeding ourselves what we need.

Some of us may have spent so much time pleasing others that we’re not at all sure what really pleases us. If this is the case then it’s high time that we found out. We owe it to ourselves to do the real thing, and to do it more often. When we do this we feel good inside, and then we have more to give away. We can’t pour from an empty cup.

And don’t let’s beat ourselves up about any of this. Let’s treat ourselves with the same compassion that many of us spend a lot of time dishing out to others. Treating ourselves well does not mean treating everyone else badly. Not at all. Everyone’s a winner when we are doing the real thing, when we are being authentic. When we feel good inside then we have more of that goodness to give away.

I wrote “EVERYONE’S A WINNER” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you make time to do the real thing, to do what matters to you?
  • Is authenticity something you value in your own life?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

EVERYONE’S A WINNER

Committing to the real thing, now that can be rather hard,

To discard the easy options and the real thing to safe-guard,

As we ward off all intruders who would steal our energy,

And be determined that usurpers will be seen off finally.

There is no-one to protect it, so it’s we who must be strong,

Be resistant to time-snatchers, and tell them to move along,

For though the real thing is essential for our peace and happiness,

It is a bother to the others who want more from us not less.

And so, let’s not be easy pickings for the ones who would prefer

That we set aside the real thing as to their wants we defer,

For though it may not seem important to distinguish yours and mine

It will be too late complaining if you rise as we decline.

And there’ll be time enough for sharing and for comforting and more,

But if we neglect the real thing we’ll be hollow at our core,

And no amount of substitution or addressing other’s needs

Will compensate us for the real thing as it bit by bit recedes.

And so, let’s not be slow to woo it, nor to keep it close at hand,

For when we spend time with the real thing then we come to understand

That when we’re satisfied inside us there is no room for dismay,

And everyone’s a winner when we’ve more to give away.

© Corinne Shields, 2019

If you enjoyed “EVERYONE’S A WINNER” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) puts enormous store by authenticity. Values work is one of its core principles. When we discover what our values are and use them as our guide, then we are on the road to living an authentic life. A value-driven life will mean that we will be doing the real thing more often, and when we’re not we will have a yardstick to measure by.

On a personal note, doing my real thing means spending regular time writing. I try to post weekly. It’s good for me. It helps me to focus on things that matter to me, and I hope others enjoy reading what I write.

And, of course, I am writing my book, or books if things go according to plan. This plan, such as it is, won’t come to much if I don’t stay committed. This is why ACT is important to me. ACT is about accepting things we can’t change but it is about committing to things that we can, things that are important and reflect our values.

So, I plod on, doing a bit each day, and in time, not too long I hope, I will have something concrete to show for it.

Progress this week has included changing the title and the proposed cover for the book. In the last post I shared the working title:

Now I’ve changed my mind. It is, after all, just like me, a work in progress.

And I’ve finished writing the book!! So, progress is being made. And, perhaps more importantly, when I am involved in it I feel I am doing the real thing!!!!

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne