ACT and Letting Go Again!

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!

Q: What’s the best way to deal with insults?

A:  Don’t trade them, dissolve them.

Image result for inspirational picture quotes letting go of hurt

When someone hurts us the natural reaction is to retaliate; when someone insults us the normal response is to have a go back.  But natural and normal are not always the most effective, the most skilful ways to behave.  And ACT is all about being skilful, not for the benefit of others, but for our own benefit.  In this way ACT could be said to be a selfish therapy!  But it isn’t, not really.  The fact is that by helping ourselves we are more able to help others.  When we feel good inside then we have something good to give away.

One of the greatest gifts that we can give to ourselves is compassion.  We can always choose to be kind to ourselves, even when others are not.  And being kind means protecting our equilibrium, keeping an even keel.  If insults come our way we can choose not to engage with them, not to make things worse; if someone is mean to us we can opt not to get defensive, not to go on the offensive, we can choose to let the hurt go.

I wrote “BRICKBATS AND FLOWERS” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you react when people hurt you?
  • Do you think you could respond more skilfully?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

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BRICKBATS AND FLOWERS

 

Sometimes it’s best to wait a bit and let life just work through,

Sometimes it’s doing nothing is the best thing we can do,

And sometimes when people hurt us or they irk us in some way,

It is better to remember things won’t always look this way.

With a little bit of distance then a larger view we see,

So, when people disappoint us we don’t take it personally,

We can sense that their agenda may be different to ours,

So, whilst they are hurling brickbats we can hand them back some flowers.

It’s a lovely little feeling when we realise it’s gone,

All the bile that was arising has dissolved and we’ve moved on,

And we’re glad we kept our counsel, and we gave ourselves some space

Until the story we were stirring simply vanished without trace.

And it’s certainly not easy should a slight or two occur

To resist the urge to have our say, to give that pot a stir,

But if we can just stay silent whilst emotion swirls about,

Then it’s likely we will find in time it simply fizzles out.

© Corinne Shields, 2016

If you enjoyed, “BRICKBATS AND FLOWERS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

Compassion is a commodity that is sadly lacking in today’s world, and yet compassion has wonderful healing properties.  Who doesn’t feel better after a kind word, a comforting gesture, a helping hand?

Moreover, in ACT terms, compassion focused exercises have been shown to greatly increase the psychological flexibility that is at the heart of ACT.

The next book on my reading list is:

The ACT Practitioner's Guide to the Science of Compassion: Tools for Fostering Psychological Flexibility by [Tirch, Dennis, Schoendorff, Benjamin, Silberstein, Laura R.]

I love the way that ACT mixes Science with Soul.   I want to find out more about Compassion.  I want to learn about these wonderful tools for fostering Psychological Flexibility.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

 

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

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ACT and Defusion

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE

Q:   I am going round in circles.  What can I do?

A:   Defuse and let go!

Hanging on is hard, letting go is harder.  Or is it?  When we want something to be a certain way, when we are invested in a certain outcome, there is a lot of tension around.  When we are so focused on forcing solutions there is not much joy to be had.

It is really difficult to know when it is time to try harder or time to surrender.  But the time will come when we do get tired of banging our head against a brick wall.  The time will come when we are ready to accept the what is.  Acceptance need not mean defeat.  Acceptance can mean a lightening of the load.  When we stop trying so hard to hang on, when we are ready to let go, we open ourselves to other options.  I like the idea that letting go means we are giving a thumbs up to the future.

I wrote “FEROCIOUS EDDIES” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • Are you ready to let go of something that is dragging you down?
  • Can you look on letting go as a thumbs up to the future?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

And-when-we-have-got-our

POEM FOR TODAY

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FEROCIOUS EDDIES

 

So many things to angst about, so much that we could rue,

Can we make a bit of space and allow content to move through,

Can we see we’re the arena, and perceive our Self as sky,

Can we feel that we are permanent, the rest’s just passing by?

Oh it takes a bit of doing, but what prizes we would reap

If we opted for the shallows ‘stead of diving in the deep

And just let events lap round us, in all their different hues,

And refused to get all churned up, we do this when we defuse.

Oh it sounds like a tall order, stand apart and let them go,

Not be tempted to go swimming and get caught up in the flow

Of events that would diminish us, and tarnish us with shame,

We could take up new positions, be spectators at the game.

And this doesn’t mean we’re opting out, it means we’re opting in,

We’re conserving our best energies for battles we can win,

They’re the ones that seek to stretch us, make us bigger than before,

Not the ones that keep us going round in circles ever more.

And so if we are stuck in eddies which are constant swirling round

Let’s stop swimming ‘gainst the tide and plant our feet on solid ground,

And when we have got our balance we will then more clearly see

That the most ferocious eddies scarce make ripples on the sea.

 

 Corinne Shields, 2016

 

If you enjoyed, “FEROCIOUS EDDIES” please pass it on, and do leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

When I write a blog post I use this section as a spur to look for something in ACT to consolidate what I have been writing about.  It helps me and I hope it helps the reader too.

Today I wanted to find something specific about ACT and Acceptance and I came across a really interesting article at The Mindfulness Muse.

In the article Laura Schenk writes about 5 Ways to Let Go of Judgement and Fear and explains how:

Judgment and fear have a tendency to hold you back from living a rich and meaningful life that is based on your true values and establishing harmony in relationships. There is often a high price to pay for living in a mental and emotional place of judgment and fear. This price may take the form of avoiding relationships with others, challenging mental or physical pursuits, and even discovering your true identity.

Laura suggests 5 Strategies for dealing with the Judgements and Fears that can wreak so much havoc in our lives.  It makes for a really helpful read.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

Just-for-today-Im-going to cease

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Letting Go

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE

Q:  Nothing seems to be working.  I’m stuck.  Now what?

A:  Let Go!

surrender

Learning to let go is a central premise of ACTLetting go of trying to control our uncomfortable feelings, our difficult thoughts.   Letting go of our stories, our preconceived notions, our judgements.  Letting go sounds like it should be a huge relief, but so often we still struggle.  Paradoxically it can be more difficult to let go than to hang on.

Learning to lay down the rope, to lie still in the sinking sand, to choose to leave the battle field while the war rages around us.  These are metaphors that ACT uses to show us that there is another way.  When we are constantly trying to force solutions we do not give things a chance to work through naturally.  When we are tempted to interfere prematurely we cannot know how things would have developed otherwise.

Taking no action is still an action.  Sometimes taking no action is the wisest course.

I wrote “A NATURAL UNFOLDING” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • What do you think about letting go?
  • Is inaction a positive action in your life?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

When-we-see-the-bigger

POEM FOR TODAY

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A NATURAL UNFOLDING

We tell ourselves such stories, all the must dos and the shoulds,

All the times we fail to nurture all those tender little buds,

The new project just emerging or the daydreams bearing fruits,

We’re so bound up in our stories that we choke them at their roots.

We may fail to give them growth time, it’s results we want and now,

So we forget that hibernation incubates the seeds somehow

Until they’re ready for the blooming, it’s a natural process and

If we understand when to let go then God can take a hand.

And then we won’t be driven by stories that just masquerade as real,

We will know they’re only words made up and words we can repeal,

And when we see the bigger picture and we learn to leave some space

Then things begin to start unfolding at a far more natural pace.

© Corinne Shields, 2016

If you enjoyed, “A NATURAL UNFOLDING” please pass it on, and do leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

For the control freaks amongst us it can come as a bit of a shock to realise that in ACT terms:

“Control is the problem, not the solution.”

There is an interesting article, A Non Technical Overview of ACT, written by Russ Harris at thehappinesstrap.com entitled:

“Embracing your Demons:  an Overview of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.”

It explains the fundamentals of ACT in layman’s terms and is well worth a read.

I particularly liked the part about Control.  If you want to read more about the “quicksand” and “struggle switch” metaphors and the concepts of “clean discomfort” and “dirty discomfort” this is the place to go.

It was a timely reminder for me.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

Just-for-today-I-will flow

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments.  How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne