ACT and Self Compassion

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!

Q:  What is the difference between self esteem and self compassion?

A:  Self esteem comes and goes, self compassion is always available.

Image result for inspirational picture quotes when the student is ready

I have been away for a while but I have not been idle.  I have been busy.  I have been learning.  What I have been learning has been rather remarkable.  It is something that I want to share with you.

I have been learning about Self Compassion.  It is not something new to me, but it is something that, although I knew about it, I didn’t fancy pursuing at the time, so I put it away for future reference.  Well, that future reference came rather sooner than later.  When things go wrong, sometimes that is the very time, in the midst of our hurt and confusion, that other doors swing open, if we will let them.

I was sufficiently hurting to be open to something different.  Over the next few posts I will be sharing my journey into the world of self compassion with you.  I hope you will join me.

Self Compassion is not a soft option, although it may sound like it.  It requires courage, openness and a determination to learn about it and then to apply it.  It has the power to transform our lives.

I wrote “HEALING THE HEART” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • Are you willing to discover the world of self compassion?
  • Are you open to new ways of thinking, new ways of being?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

HEALING THE HEART

 

We’re so good at criticising, we’re so used to falling short,

So adept at buying into the harsh lessons we’ve been taught

That we never do consider there might be another way

Which if we would just allow it has the power to change our day.

It’s a thing called self-compassion, well that has the strangest ring,

It implies we’re going soft, when that is really not our thing,

For we’ve shored up our defences, and we’ve learned how to stay strong,

Been the first to criticise ourselves when trouble comes along.

And no, it isn’t very pleasant being trapped inside our head,

Where the voice of accusation complements the voice of dread,

But by now it is a pattern we’re accustomed to, and so

We just let it do its thing and let the pattern grown and grow.

And so, life becomes a battle where we stay on red alert,

As brain goes about its business trying to stop us getting hurt,

And berates us for our carelessness or making a mistake,

Makes us think we should be perfect, well let’s give ourselves a break.

For perfection is a fairy tale, a story spread about

To prevent us being contented, it’s a myth that others shout

To perpetuate a mindset that does not encourage rest,

But sometimes a constant striving isn’t really for the best.

For as we rush round in circles and our stress begins to build,

And our body fills with tension and our mind will not be stilled,

In the middle of the mayhem let us stand a bit apart,

And remember self-compassion has the power to heal our heart.

© Corinne Shields, 2017

If you enjoyed, “HEALING THE HEART” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

Over the next few posts I shall be sharing my journey into self compassion with you, and sharing the resources that are helping me.

This is a voyage of discovery for me and I am currently reading a wonderful book by Paul Gilbert and Choden.

Product Details

It is fantastic when you discover something that resonates with you.  ACT did and does.  Self Compassion feels like the next right stage for me.  Maybe it will be for you too.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

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ACT and Holding Our Values Near

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!

Q:  What can I do when my world takes a knock?

A:  Take time to steady and turn to your values.

When unexpected things happen of course we are going to be momentarily shaken, shocked, delighted, horrified, excited etc.  Our emotional reaction will vary according to the event in question.  If we like it expect good reactions, if not, well we know the answer to that one!

The important thing to remember is that although we cannot stop the reaction from arising in the first place we can choose what happens next.  ACT reminds us that although we cannot avoid the first cut, we do not have to make it deeper.  Accepting the first reaction is not always easy.  When we are reeling, when our mind is in turmoil, when every fibre of our being is shouting, “NO!” acceptance may seem a million miles away.

We would be saints if we just rolled over and said, “Yes, Ok, I am fine with this.”  We are not saints, we are human beings, fallible, imperfect, wonderful human beings.  When unexpected things happen, particularly unwelcome unexpected things, this is the time to be kind to ourselves, to exercise the same compassion that we would extend to our very best friend.  This is also the time to turn to our values.  When everything else is in turmoil our values are our lifeline.  They are constant, they will not let us down.

Whilst we are absorbing the shock, whilst we are coming to the terms with the new what is, let’s do ourselves a favour.  In the midst of the mayhem we can find a way out.  Our values will guide us to new beginnings.

I wrote “HOLDING OUR VALUES NEAR” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • Do you remember to turn to your values in times of trouble?
  • Have you revisited your values recently?  Is it time to pay them a visit?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY


HOLDING OUR VALUES NEAR

 

Sometimes our mind’s in turmoil, there is so much going on,

Too much newness to assimilate, or something sudden gone,

An enthusiasm waning, or a disappointment new,

Something close to disappearing, something coming into view.

Yes, for now the landscape’s changing, and that really is the crux,

We may strive for equilibrium but everything’s in flux

And for the moment we must tolerate an unknown what will be,

So, let’s not fix upon an outcome, let us sit it out and see.

For what will happen in the future is not something we can know,

We may give it our best guesstimate, accepting even so

That predictions are notorious for being way off beam,

And even seeming drawbacks are not always what they seem.

And so, if Mind is in a turmoil and things seem for now unclear,

That’s the time to turn to values and to hold them very near,

For then we won’t be in a quandary, Mind rushing round disturbed,

Because when values drive our actions we need not be too perturbed.

© Corinne Shields, 2017

If you enjoyed, “HOLDING OUR VALUES NEAR” please pass it on, and do leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

When we are struggling with events in our lives, when we have lost touch with our values and are finding it hard to cope, the Six Core Processes of ACT offer us a wealth of choice.  What a tool box we have at our disposal.

If you want a swift reminder of what’s on offer there is a great overview at goodtherapy.org.  I visited today and I was so glad that I did.  It reminded me that even though I turn my back on one core process there are five more waiting in the wings!  Today it was this that resonated with me:

“Accepting one’s emotional experience can be described as the process of learning to experience the range of human emotions with a kind, open, and accepting perspective.”

I was so glad to be reminded of that today.  The first cut really can be the deepest if we don’t keep digging at it!

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Letting Go Again!

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!

Q: What’s the best way to deal with insults?

A:  Don’t trade them, dissolve them.

Image result for inspirational picture quotes letting go of hurt

When someone hurts us the natural reaction is to retaliate; when someone insults us the normal response is to have a go back.  But natural and normal are not always the most effective, the most skilful ways to behave.  And ACT is all about being skilful, not for the benefit of others, but for our own benefit.  In this way ACT could be said to be a selfish therapy!  But it isn’t, not really.  The fact is that by helping ourselves we are more able to help others.  When we feel good inside then we have something good to give away.

One of the greatest gifts that we can give to ourselves is compassion.  We can always choose to be kind to ourselves, even when others are not.  And being kind means protecting our equilibrium, keeping an even keel.  If insults come our way we can choose not to engage with them, not to make things worse; if someone is mean to us we can opt not to get defensive, not to go on the offensive, we can choose to let the hurt go.

I wrote “BRICKBATS AND FLOWERS” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you react when people hurt you?
  • Do you think you could respond more skilfully?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

IMG_20150322_092137

 

BRICKBATS AND FLOWERS

 

Sometimes it’s best to wait a bit and let life just work through,

Sometimes it’s doing nothing is the best thing we can do,

And sometimes when people hurt us or they irk us in some way,

It is better to remember things won’t always look this way.

With a little bit of distance then a larger view we see,

So, when people disappoint us we don’t take it personally,

We can sense that their agenda may be different to ours,

So, whilst they are hurling brickbats we can hand them back some flowers.

It’s a lovely little feeling when we realise it’s gone,

All the bile that was arising has dissolved and we’ve moved on,

And we’re glad we kept our counsel, and we gave ourselves some space

Until the story we were stirring simply vanished without trace.

And it’s certainly not easy should a slight or two occur

To resist the urge to have our say, to give that pot a stir,

But if we can just stay silent whilst emotion swirls about,

Then it’s likely we will find in time it simply fizzles out.

© Corinne Shields, 2016

If you enjoyed, “BRICKBATS AND FLOWERS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

Compassion is a commodity that is sadly lacking in today’s world, and yet compassion has wonderful healing properties.  Who doesn’t feel better after a kind word, a comforting gesture, a helping hand?

Moreover, in ACT terms, compassion focused exercises have been shown to greatly increase the psychological flexibility that is at the heart of ACT.

The next book on my reading list is:

The ACT Practitioner's Guide to the Science of Compassion: Tools for Fostering Psychological Flexibility by [Tirch, Dennis, Schoendorff, Benjamin, Silberstein, Laura R.]

I love the way that ACT mixes Science with Soul.   I want to find out more about Compassion.  I want to learn about these wonderful tools for fostering Psychological Flexibility.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

 

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Stress (2)

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE

Q:  How can I deal better with my stress?

A:  Make it your friend!

stress friend

Sometimes, just sometimes you read something or you hear something that stops you dead in your tracks.

That happened to me when I stumbled upon a TED Talk give by Psychologist Kelly McGonigal.

“Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal urges us to see stress as a positive, and introduces us to an unsung mechanism for stress reduction: reaching out to others.”

In the video Kelly makes a powerful case for saying that,

“Stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case.”

She goes further too by suggesting that there is a little known upside to stress which can be remarkably beneficial to us.

I found her talk on “How to Make Stress Your Friend” fascinating.  It made me re-think my attitude to stress.   See what you think?

I wrote “THIS STRESSFUL STATE” to remind me that stress does not have to be pubic enemy number one.  With a change of attitude it can become our friend.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • What is your attitude to stress?
  • Are you prepared to have a re-think?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

When-we-see-our-stress

POEM FOR TODAY

Water garden MGD©

THIS STRESSFUL STATE

It could be that we’ve got it wrong, our attitude to stress,

For although we may feel better when we’re not under duress,

Stress is not for demonising, like the enemy at the gate,

It has served us well for ages, so what is this stressful state?

Well it happens when we’re challenged, or we feel we’re under threat,

Fight and flight response is triggered, there to aid us and abet,

And as body starts reacting and our instincts quick kick in,

There is something rather wonderful now happening within.

For when chemicals start surging we’re becoming more alert,

We are poised for fight or flight now, we’ve received the magic spurt,

And we’re ready now for action as adrenaline pumps through,

And if we can change our attitude our body can change too.

For when we view stress more kindly, not as something to abhor,

And applaud the chain reaction as an asset not a flaw,

Then we send a powerful message to the body from the mind

Saying, “We’re stressed, but not to worry,” then the body acts in kind.

And then we can reap the benefits the stress response ignites

When we’re not busy telling stories of how stress the body blights,

For when we see our stress as positive, our evolutionary friend,

Then we no longer make it toxic and our fear of it can end.

© Corinne Shields, 2015

If you enjoyed, “THIS STRESSFUL STATE” please pass it on, and do leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

I found this TED Talk by Kelly McGonigal to be very ACT-like.  Like ACT it is based on the latest scientific research and reinforces a lot of what we learn in ACT.

Kelly says that after a decade of portraying stress as an enemy, the new science of stress has made her change her mind.  Her goal now as a health psychologist has changed.

“I no longer want to get rid of your stress.  I want to make you better at stress.”

Kelly also introduces one of the most under-appreciated aspects of the stress response.  She says that stress makes us social.  She goes on to discuss the importance of the stress hormone oxytocin, “the cuddle hormone” with all its attendant benefits.

Kelly concludes her talk by saying:

“Stress gives us access to our hearts.  The compassionate heart that finds joy and meaning in connecting with others, and yes, your pounding physical heart, working so hard to give you strength and energy.  And when you choose to view your stress in this way you’re not just getting better at stress, you’re actually making a pretty profound statement  You’re saying that you can trust yourself to handle life’s challenges.  And you’re remembering that you don’t have to face them alone.”

What a great talk!  I loved it.

In the Q and A section at the end perhaps the most ACT-like statement of all and I leave you with it now.

“One thing we know for certain is that chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort.  And so I would say that’s really the best way to make decisions, is to go after what it is that creates meaning in your life and then trust yourself to handle the stress that follows.”

Rings a bell doesn’t it?

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

Today-I-will-put-to-an

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Compassion

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE

Q:  How can I be more positive towards ???

A:  Show a bit of compassion

ACT is about many things but at its heart it is always about personal growth.

All the things we learn in ACT, Mindfulness, Values Work, Defusion Techniques, Acceptance, Committed Action, Self as Context, they are all helping us to develop the psychological flexibility which will help us lead more meaningful lives, even in the face of life’s challenges.

Learning to show compassion, to ourselves and to others, is one of the most effective tools that we have in our kit-box.  Compassion is soft and strong at the same time.  It is very powerful.  If we are fearful, defensive, anxious, then a bit of compassion can work wonders.

I wrote “A BIT OF COMPASSION” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How good are you at showing compassion?
  • Have you discovered the benefits of compassion?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

If-were-in-the-business

POEM FOR TODAY

 

IMG_4105

A BIT OF COMPASSION

A bit of compassion would not come amiss,

‘Stead of acting defensive we could first try this,

We could set aside prejudice, kindness impart,

And find out what it feels like to open our heart.

If we’re used to reacting in a certain way,

Maybe Mind senses trouble and says, “Stay away!”

Then it’s likely we’ve laid down a habit or two

Which precludes being kind as a something we do.

And that means we don’t know how we’d feel if we said,

“Thank you Mind, but today I’ll try kindness instead,

For I’ve seen how on others this kindness bestows

A great aura of warmth which then glows as it grows.”

And we’ve all seen the saints passing goodness around,

Maybe thought that such saints are too thin on the ground,

Not believed that we’re part of that army of good,

But we all have a chance to do good and we should.

Not for reasons of duty, that’s hard and it’s cold,

But to share in the secret a smile can unfold,

For if we’re in the business of personal growth

Then a bit of compassion is good for us both.

© Corinne Shields, 2015

If you enjoyed, “A BIT OF COMPASSION” please pass it on, and do leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

If you are interested in learning more about ACT and Compassion this book looks like a great read.

The book description certainly whets the appetite.

About the Book

“Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) is proven effective in the treatment of an array of disorders, including addiction, depression, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, and more. Evidence shows that mindfulness and acceptance exercises help clients connect with the moment, uncover their true values, and commit to positive change. But did you know that compassion focused exercises can also greatly increase clients’ psychological flexibility?

More and more, therapists are finding that the act of compassion-both towards oneself and towards others-can lead to greater emotional and physical well-being, increased distress tolerance, and a broader range of effective responses to stressful situations. One of the best advantages of compassion focused methods is how easily they can be integrated into an ACT approach.”

This is the first book on the market to provide an in-depth discussion of compassion in the context of ACT and other behavioural sciences.  If you, like me, believe in the benefits of compassion, it is great to see it being incorporated into ACT.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

Just-for-today-Im-going to show

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Reflection

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – An Online Resource

Q:  I feel I’ve weathered the worst.  Now what? 

A:  Give yourself some credit!

If you are like me then you tend to be overly self critical when things are going badly and overly dismissive when things are going well.  This is such a shame!

Too often we are very quick to take responsibility, too much responsibility, when we feel we are failing.  Too often we are far too slow to give ourselves credit when we have done something well.

Taking time out for reflection is a good thing.  ACT encourages this.  ACT encourages us to get in touch with our feelings, to think about our values and to really consider whether what we are doing is in line with those values.   ACT asks us to ask the question:

Is what I am doing taking me in the direction in which I want to go?

I wrote “HALLELUJA, VALUES WON!” to remind me of this.  I also wrote it to remind myself to give myself credit if credit is due!

I am writing this post partly because I am  participating in Writeful Mind’s Feel-Good Friday.  So I want to thank Carol at “Feel-Good Friday” for hosting this weekly event.  It makes me think all week about something that I can post on Friday which is to do with “promoting self-care and me-time.”

So thank you Carol.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • Do you make time for reflection?
  • Are you slow to give yourself credit if credit is due?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

file000412949493

HALLELUJA, VALUES WON!

 

Let’s give ourselves some credit when we feel we’ve progress made,

When we’ve steered through the detours and our fears begin to fade,

And we’ve held our ground ‘gainst tyranny and to ourselves been true,

Oh yes, let’s make time for reflection, give some credit where it’s due.

It may be that we’ve negotiated tricky times and now

Looking back we see how values pulled us through it all somehow,

And though at times we may have wobbled, had our backs against the wall,

When we called upon our values they made sure we didn’t fall.

And so let’s give ourselves some credit and our values let’s applaud

For they wouldn’t be drowned out no matter how hard tyrants roared,

And looking back we can take pleasure in a job that was well done

For when our values took on tyrants, hallelujah values won!

© Corinne Shields, 2015

If you enjoyed, “HALLELUJA, VALUES WON!” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT …..

There is a very good explanation about the importance of self talk in an article written by Claudia Dewane at SocialWorkToday.

The article begins with an opening exchange between a Client and a Social Worker;

Client:  “I want to change, BUT I am too anxious.”

Social Worker:  “You want to change, AND you are anxious about it.”

Claudia Dewane discusses how, “This subtle and cognitive shift is the essence of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT).  It suggests that a person can take action without first changing or eliminating feelings”.

I enjoyed the article.  It certainly gave me food for thought.

Which brings us to the ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

 

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT and Self Compassion

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – An Online Resource

Q: Is Self Compassion more important than Self Esteem?

A: It would seem so!

Sometimes it happens, doesn’t it?  Someone says just the right thing at the right time, or you turn on the TV and there’s something showing that just resonates with you, or you go surfing the internet and there it is, an article just waiting to be read by you at exactly the right time you needed to read it!!  Spooky isn’t it?  Or fate, or karma or serendipity or whatever you want to call it!

Well it just happened to me!  I was just surfing around and I came across this great article in the Huffington Post written by Steven C Hayes, entitled “Is Self Compassion more important than Self Esteem?”. And it had me hooked, because it seems it is!

After years of trying to improve Mental Health by trying to improve Self Esteem, it seems that, to quote Hayes,

“What if the Self Esteem discussion is like the proverbial finger-pointing at the moon?”

“It seems that new research is suggesting this may be the case, and that a new concept – self compassion – could be vastly more important than self esteem when it comes to long-term mental health and success.”

I like the sound of that!  And do you know, I have an inkling he is right.  Why?

Well it happens so often doesn’t it?  Something goes wrong, something happens to hurt us, to upset us and what do we do?  We shout at ourselves, we tell ourselves that we are fools, idiots.  At the very time when we need to be kind to ourselves we are kicking ourselves, at the very time when we need to show ourselves some compassion we are harsh and cruel.  We don’t need enemies, we are our own worst enemy.

And so, ACT reminds us at such tricky times to be careful, to be aware.  Language is very powerful.  Because we are human beings we are verbal beings and we can use language to hurt ourselves or to help ourselves.  When we are hurting inside it is all too easy to turn on ourselves, to berate ourselves, to make things much worse.

Learning to accept ourselves, to be kind to ourselves is so much more effective. And we can start by replacing those harsh and cruel words with words of loving kindness.

I wrote “WORDS OF LOVING KINDNESS” to remind me of this!

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How good are you at being good to yourself?
  • Are the words that you say to yourself words that you would like to hear?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

TIP FOR TODAY

 

POEM FOR TODAY

 file9821283659081

WORDS OF LOVING KINDNESS

Inside of us we’re children still, e’en though it’s buried deep,

For despite all our achievements early memories we keep

Of the times when we were vulnerable, uncertain and afraid,

So remember we are children still despite the strides we’ve made.

And sometimes a something happens that will trigger childish fears,

Our grown-up mask is slipping as the little child appears

And it’s time now to be gentle, and some soothing words to find,

Put our grown-ups to good use and to a little child be kind.

And so let’s not act all impatient or be critical or cruel

Turn a talk between a grown-up and a child into a duel,

But remember little children don’t take kindly to abuse,

It’s the words of loving kindness that will be of better use.

And so next time a something happens and we feel the child within

Is beginning to act childlike let’s set out their trust to win,

Not by urging them to actions that they can’t for now fulfil,

But by saying we’ll be there for them and that we always will.

© Corinne Shields, 2015

If you enjoyed, “WORDS OF LOVING KINDESS” please pass it on, and do please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT ……….

Well the final word belongs to that fantastic article that I read first thing this morning and which inspired this post.

Is Self-Compassion More Important Than Self Esteem?

If you are in any doubt then I urge you to read the article.  Sometimes Self Compassion has had a bad press.  It can smack of selfishness, egocentricity, narcissism and all those other things which many of us have been taught are not “the right thing”, a sign of weakness.  And yet, a lack of self compassion may well be at the root of our problems.

In the article Hayes quotes Dr Kirstin Neff, one of the premier researchers in this area, by defining Self Compassion as, “consisting of three components during times of personal suffering and failure:

  1.  Treating oneself kindly
  2.  Recognising one’s struggles as part of the shared human experience
  3.  Holding one’s painful thoughts and feelings in mindful awareness.

Given this context, the negativity or positivity of your thoughts isn’t what’s important.  It’s how you respond to those thoughts that matters.”

For an in-depth analysis of the subject I really do encourage you to read the article, but for me the final paragraph summed it up and I quote it here:

“It’s time for us to put down the idea that we have to think well of ourselves at all times to be mature, successful, functional, mentally healthy individuals. Indeed, this toxic idea can foster a kind of narcissistic ego-based self-story that is bound to blow up on us. Instead of increasing self-esteem content what we need to do is increase self-compassion as the context of all we do. That deflates ego-based self-stories, as we humbly accept our place as one amongst our fellow human beings, mindfully acknowledging that we all have self-doubt, we all suffer, we all fail from time to time, but none of that means we can’t live a life of meaning, purpose, and compassion for ourselves and others.” – Steven Hayes, PHD

Which brings us to the ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?

I am a student of ACT.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne