ACT and PERFECTIONISM

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – An Online Resource

Q:  I’m such a perfectionist.  How can I get over myself?

A:  Just do it!  There’s no such thing as perfection.

I used to think that being a perfectionist was a good thing to be.  It isn’t!  It’s a burden and it weighs a ton!

Perfectionists pride themselves on their high standards, but the flip-side is that they often fail to make a start and get things done.  They never feel good enough.

Perfectionists say that they are only interested in the best things in life, but the flip-side is that they miss out on all those lovely little treasures, the “beautiful ordinary”, which is everywhere if they just look.  Life never feels good enough.

Perfectionists expect people to be at their best all of the time, especially in regards to them, but the flip-side is that they cut themselves off from the warmth of real relationships.   People are never good enough.

You get the picture???

The life of a perfectionist isn’t much fun.  It is filled with criticism, of one-self and of others, it is full of disappointment and regret and there is always a feeling that things could be better, we could be better, life could be better.  It’s all a bit of a let-down.

For those perfectionists amongst you who suspect that perfectionism is not really working for you, that in fact it is costing you dear, help is at hand.

ACT is not a fan of perfectionism.  In fact it regards it as a problematic thinking style.  More of that in the next post!

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • Do you suspect that perfectionism might be getting in the way of your happiness?
  • Are you getting tired of lugging around this burden?
  • Have you found ways of reducing its impact in your life?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

POEM FOR TODAY

Taking the plunge

TAKING THE PLUNGE

Sometimes it’s time to start it, this new project, this new plan,

Sometimes it’s time to take the plunge right now, while we still can,

For it’s easy to prevaricate, to keep on sitting tight,

But sometimes it’s time to start it even though the time’s not right.

For perfection is not possible, we can’t always prepare

For each unexplored imponderable that waits for us out there,

For there’s a panoply of variables that we cannot control,

But the only way to build is bit by bit to make a whole.

So if we have got a project or a plan kept under wraps,

Let’s let go the old excuses, the what ifs and the perhaps

And let’s make a new commitment that we’ll start instead to do

What is necessary daily until we have seen it through.

© Corinne Shields, 2015

If you enjoyed “Taking the Plunge” please pass it on, and do leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go ……………….

A final word from ACT

If you would like to find out more about ACT and Perfectionism I recommend you head over to Joseph Rhineman’s site and view his video.  I found it very interesting and I think you will too.

Which leads us to the …………………………..

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………………………….

Perfectionism

If you have read this far please leave your comments.  How is ACT helping you?

I am on an ACT journey and I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

 

 

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ACT and Committed Action

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – An Online Resource

Q:  I don’t think my blog will ever be ready to launch.  What should I do?

A:  ACTivate your blog now!!

It can be very scary when we are on the brink of something new, can’t it?  In fact it can be so scary that we can look for any excuse not to actually take that final step.  We can always find something else to do, some other detail to tweak, something else not quite right, not quite perfect that we can play around with.

I feel a bit like that with this blog.  I am not very teckie, I am not at all social media savy, I struggle every day with some new aspect of WordPress.  There is so much to learn.  At this rate this blog may never get launched!!

I have therefore decided that it is time to ACTivate my blog.

What does this mean?  Well from an ACT point of view it means that I am going to accept the uncomfortable feelings that I am having, the inevitable uncomfortable feelings that accompany something new, something strange.  I am going to accept the discomfort, befriend and explore it even, and I am going to take action in a valued direction.

For me, that means that I am going to launch my blog even though I am full of misgivings.  I am going to feel the fear and do it anyway!!

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • Are you willing to “be ready for the strangeness and accommodate the new”?
  • Are you prepared to live with the discomfort that accompanies change?
  • Are you, like me, going to “feel the fear and do it anyway?”
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

POEM FOR TODAY

Surf

SILVER SURFING

If something new’s approaching let us not bar fast the door,

Let’s be fair and open-hearted, welcome what may lie in store,

Let’s be ready for the strangeness and accommodate the new

Let’s not scurry back to safety before we have seen it through.

If discomfort overwhelms us let’s stand strong until it fades

And relinquish scepticism and reluctance that persuades

Us to turn our back on progress, it’s too late and we’re too old,

Let’s not buy into the story that’s the oldest ever told.

For it’s not a case of number, we’re as old now as we feel

You can put a label on us but that label isn’t real,

And for everyone who’s saying that old age is full of strife,

Let us tell them we are proudly silver surfing through our life.

© Corinne Shields, 2015

 

If you enjoyed “Silver Surfing” please pass it on, and do leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go ……………….

A final word from ACT

ACT has a very special term for the excuses that we make to avoid the discomfort that goes with stepping out of our comfort zone.  That term is:

EXPERIENTIAL AVOIDANCE

It is a term that embodies our suffering, not just once but twice.  We suffer the pain of presence and we suffer the pain of absence.  What does this mean?

Experiential avoidance is the process of trying to avoid our own experiences, our uncomfortable feelings, memories, bodily sensations, behaviours, even when doing so causes us long-term behavioural difficulties.  We don’t go to the party because we are shy and lacking in confidence, we don’t go the gym because we feel too fat or too depressed, we don’t launch a blog in case nobody visits!!

Experiential avoidance means that we suffer the presence of our uncomfortable feelings and we also suffer the pain of the absence of the things that we don’t do, the things that we avoid.  A double whammy!!

Learning to live with discomfort, to accept our uncomfortable feelings and to commit to valued action anyway is what lies at the heart of ACT.  It is what gives Acceptance Commitment Therapy its name.  It is the key to living a meaningful and valued life even in the midst of life’s challenges.

If you want to find out more about Experiential Avoidance then I recommend you dip into Steven Hayes’ wonderful book:

Worth learning how to deal with it!!!

Which leads us to the …………………………..

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………………………….

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If you have read this far please leave your comments.  How is ACT helping you?

I am on an ACT journey and I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne