ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and FEAR

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

Q: How can I stop my fears holding me back from change?

A: Feel the fear and do it anyway.

When we understand where our fears come from, maybe we can treat them more kindly. Fear is a natural reaction to threat, perceived or imagined. It is a gift of evolution and it is not going anywhere soon. Fear evolved to protect us and to help us to survive. It is there to help us, it is part of our self-protection system.

Unfortunately, this can make our lives difficult at times, particularly when we are facing the unknown, change, uncertain outcomes. This is when Fear really gets its knickers in a twist. Just when we could do with a good dose of courage, Fear is more likely to jump in and rule the roost. “Don’t do this”, “Don’t go there”, “Stay here, stay safe”, these are the words of Fear.

It is easier to let Fear have its way, and comfort zones are notoriously difficult to escape. Change represents the unknown. Maybe things will go well, but maybe they won’t, maybe the grass will be greener but maybe it won’t, maybe we have things to gain, but we have much to lose too. Trying to weigh up all the outcomes can just leave us paralysed. Yes, it is easier to let Fear have its way, it is easier to stay where we are.

And yet doing nothing, staying put, not daring to make a change doesn’t make us feel better in the long term. There is always the “what if” in the back of our mind. What if we had found some courage, what if we had dared to make a change, what if we had found a way to allay our fears, to take them with us into the unknown?

This is the key really. This is where Self-Compassion comes in. We are not meant to be fearless, we were born with Fear as an integral part of our DNA. It is an indispensable component of our tool kit. Accepting our Fear, learning how to soothe it allows us scope, gives us choice. Courage is not being without fear, courage is fear that has said its prayers, courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

And when we do it, let’s not do it with gritted teeth and dread in our heart, let’s do it in a spirit of kindness and compassion. If things go wrong, as well they might, let’s not rail at ourselves for making a bad decision, let’s just accept it all as part of our human experience, a learning curve that we might never have had.

And let’s remember that we are not perfect, we were born to make mistakes, and with each mistake we make we learn what not to do next time. This is the way of progress, this is what change offers us, a chance to grow, if we are willing to feel the fear and do it anyway.

I wrote “ON THE CUSP OF CHANGE” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you cope with change?
  • Do you let fear hold you back from new experiences?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

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ON THE CUSP OF CHANGE

Sometimes we feel it happening, we’re on the cusp of change,

And unease now stirs within us as the pieces rearrange,

And we must call upon our courage and our fears begin to quell,

For we’re sloughing off the old world where ‘til lately we did dwell.

It’s a scary sort of feeling, this transition we must make

And Fear’s not there to make it easy, it is there to make us quake,

And remind us of the dangers that are always lurking near,

For though we may find some courage, Fear will not just disappear.

It’s a part of evolution that was careful to instil

A resistance to imprudence, safety first’s its motto still,

But it’s just part of our heritage, and there are others too,

We are driven to make progress through the things we think and do.

And so, we need to strike a bargain with our Fear which sees its role

As a constant overseer, which must always seize control

Of any scary situation, draw us back quick from the brink,

Saying, “Don’t go in the water, you can’t swim, and you will sink.”

And oh, thank goodness for our Fear because it tries so hard to please,

Tries to keep us out of danger, tries to quell our least unease,

But we weren’t born to quiver naked at the edge of scary things,

We were born to face them bravely and find out all that life brings

When we refuse to be defeated by a Fear that stirs within,

When we are willing to accept it, but allow our Courage in

To soothe and whisper words of comfort to our Fear, so it can be

Reassured it’s done it duty before leaving gracefully.

Corinne Shields, 2018

If you enjoyed, “ON THE CUSP OF CHANGE” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

Self-Compassion is the antidote to Fear, it is the right-hand man of Courage.

Learning how to soothe our own Fear is a wonderful attribute. Who wouldn’t want someone on hand to say the right things, to tell us that everything is going to be OK, to reach out a hand of reassurance, to remind us that we aren’t perfect and were never meant to be? Unfortunately, there isn’t always a someone else on hand and, in lieu of a someone else, we may need to be that someone for ourselves.

If we can do that, if we can learn how to soothe ourselves, wouldn’t that be something??

Fortunately, there are plenty of resources out there to teach us just that. I am currently reading “Present Perfect”, recommended to me by a friend. Thank you, Doug. If you, like me, struggle with an outsize streak of Perfectionism, then this is the book for you. Perfectionism is Fear’s best friend. They go hand in glove. If Fear is out to stop you doing stuff, Perfectionism is right up there with it. “Present Perfect” landed on my desk, or more accurately showed up on my Kindle, in the nick of time. It is helping me to feel the fear and do it anyway!

Present Perfect: A Mindfulness Approach to Letting Go of Perfectionism and the Need for Control by [Somov, Pavel G]

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

 

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

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ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and BEING OUR OWN BEST FRIEND

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

 

Q: Who can I turn to when everyone and everything else lets me down?

A: Yourself. Become your own best friend.

When things go wrong, when we are hurting, it is a natural reaction to look for comfort in externals.  We have been taught to do it from the beginning.  As babies we cried and somebody from outside came to comfort us, when we fell down as toddlers, somebody else picked us up, dried our tears and set us on our way again.  As we got older we looked for support within our immediate family, and as we got older still we learned to look further afield for approval, affection and backing.

This isn’t wrong, it is just the way things are, it is what we have learned to do.  Problems can arise though if we don’t find what we need in externals.  Sometimes people aren’t there for us, sometimes things that used to give us pleasure begin to pall, sometimes the externals just don’t work.  What to do?

Well, for many of us, although we are very good at giving compassion, kindness and support to other people, we are less good at giving it to ourselves.  Self compassion can have a bad press.  It can smack of self indulgence, weakness even.  Maybe we have grown up in backgrounds that didn’t encourage it, maybe positively discouraged it.  Maybe we grew up in backgrounds where we received precious little compassion from others, and certainly weren’t taught how to give it to ourselves.

This is a shame.  If we learn how to offer compassion to ourselves then we won’t be so dependent on externals to give it to us instead.  If we learn how to speak kindly to ourselves instead of berating ourselves for our last seeming foolishness, then our internal landscape will start to change.  The world we inhabit inside will become a much pleasanter place to be.  When we treat ourselves as we would a good friend, when we begin to become our own best friend, our lives can change radically for the better.

It’s official.  Whether we are giving it to others or giving it to ourselves, Compassion is good for you.

I wrote “BEING OUR OWN BEST FRIEND” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you treat yourself when things are going  badly?
  • Are you learning to treat yourself more gently, more kindly?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

BEING OUR OWN BEST FRIEND

 

To learn to be our own best friend, oh what a gift ‘twill be,

To develop loving kindness, treat ourselves compassionately,

And to still the voice of judgement ringing shrilly in our ears,

And to breathe into our essence until gentleness appears.

Oh, how lovely to feel peaceful, to accept life as a flow

That can move through unimpeded if we learn to just let go

And accept the present moment, without judgement, without flaw,

Saying, “This is how it is now, and I could not ask for more.”

There’s a freedom in acceptance, there’s a lightening of the load,

When we treat ourselves more gently we are in a different mode

Where our tension’s disappearing as a softness takes its place,

And the whispers of compassion start to fill our inner space.

Oh, let’s not become too tardy, too reluctant to kickstart

All the gifts that self-compassion has to lift a heavy heart,

For we do not need externals to bring us comfort and ease,

We have all we need within us to a cold heart now unfreeze.

So, let’s speak with words of kindness, let us use a gentle tone,

And remind ourselves we’re human and we never are alone,

For we all share in the suffering humanity must bear,

If we look around we’ll see that there is suffering everywhere.

And that’s not to make it burdensome, more awful, more severe,

It just acts as a reminder, others feel what we feel here,

And our suffering’s not just personal, it treats us all the same,

And if we would seek an antidote, compassion is its name.

© Corinne Shields, 2018

If you enjoyed “BEING OUR OWN BEST FRIEND” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

Self Compassion is not weak, wishy-washy, narcissistic, self indulgent.  It is none of these things.  Self Compassion requires courage, awareness, commitment and trust.  If we want to become our own best friend that is not going to happen overnight.  Friendships don’t just happen they develop, they develop over time and they develop as a result of shared history, shared experiences, shared compassion.

If you want to learn more about Self Compassion there are many resources on line and one in particular is becoming a life-line for me.  Kristin Neff’s website at selfcompassion.org has guided meditations which have helped me many times. Check it our for yourself.  It is good to know that there is an alternative to a sleepless night!!  The Self Compassion Break only takes 5 minutes and that 5 minutes can make a big difference.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and CREATIVITY

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

Q: How can I deal better with my difficult emotions?

A: Use their energy to fuel your creativity.

Image result for inspirational picture quotes creativity

I have been thinking a lot about Creativity recently.  It plays such a big part in my life and I owe it so much.  When I am upset, which is more often than I would like, I have learned to turn to Creativity to help me.  It never lets me down.  Being upset, feeling difficult emotions, experiencing uncomfortable physical sensations, are cues for me to use my Creativity to soothe me.  As a bonus I often get a better perspective about what’s really going on.

In this way Creativity has a lot in common with Compassion.  Compassion is all about harnessing our inbuilt soothing system to regulate difficult emotions, those emotions triggered by our Self Protection and Drive Systems.  Creativity and Compassion, especially if used in conjunction with each other, can be very powerful.

Emotions, especially those we perceive to be negative, can be difficult to cope with.  But they are part and parcel of the human condition.  We are not going to escape them, no matter how many therapies we practice.  We are not meant to.  What we can do though, is learn more skilful ways to manage them.  This is what ACT is about; this is what Compassion is about; this is what Creativity is about.

When we can use the energy that is generated by powerful emotions in a creative way, that is skilful.  Turning emotional energy into creative fuel can produce amazing results.  Along with the tangible result of a poem, a painting, a tapestry, a garden, a sculpture, a floral display, a carving, a whatever takes your fancy, there is also an accompanying change of mood.

This is the magic of the creative process.  It is itself a therapeutic process.  I am going to be exploring this a lot in the weeks to come.

It’s official, Compassion is good for you.  And it turns out Creativity is good for you too.

I wrote “CREATIVE PARTNERSHIPS” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • Is Creativity important to you?
  • Do you use your Creativity as an outlet for difficult emotions?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

 

POEM FOR TODAY

CREATIVE PARTNERSHIPS

 

I love my creativity, it’s saved me many times

From anxiety and turmoil, I just turn them into rhymes,

And no matter where I start from, it is never where I end,

I can feel my spirits lifting as the next new verse is penned.

This is how I use creation, or it’s how it uses me,

It’s exciting when it bubbles up and I can’t wait to see

Where it’s taking me this morning, where it comes from I don’t know,

But there’s nothing that’s quite like it when I’m caught up in its flow.

And it is the same for everyone, this energy within,

Every time we tap into it then the magic can begin

As we share a new dimension where time ceases to exist,

If you don’t do this already, do it now, see what you’ve missed.

For it’s always waiting for us, it just needs us to be there,

To be ready, willing and able in this partnership to share,

For it can’t do it without us, and we can’t do it alone,

But when we get together, what creative seeds are sown.

© Corinne Shields, 2018

If you enjoyed “CREATIVE PARTNERSHIPS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

I am reading the most wonderful book about Creativity.  I want to share it with you.  It is written by Elizabeth Gilbert, who some of you may have heard of.  She was the author of the bestseller “Eat, Pray, Love”.  I loved that book too.

The book I want to recommend here though is not a novel.  It is a book about Creativity and I loved it because it treats Creativity in a Compassionate way.  This is, in itself, quite a novel approach.  Creativity has long been associated with angst, the writer suffering for his art, the penniless poet in his garret, the tortured artist ….  Elizabeth Gilbert has a new take on Creativity and it is one that makes it far more likely that you will be encouraged to explore it, use it, befriend it, let it befriend you.

The book is called “Big Magic”.  If you are interested in finding out more about how to make Creativity part of your life, it is a great read.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and SELF TALK

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

Q: How can I start to feel better?

A: Speak to yourself with kindly words and a gentle tone.

The way we speak to ourselves is really important.  The words we use, the tone of voice we employ, the type of self talk we indulge in, it really matters.

Many of us are probably not aware of the running commentary that goes on incessantly in our heads; many of us probably pay little attention to the way that we treat ourselves mentally.  And yet we are with ourselves all day, every day, talking to ourselves, commenting on everything, judging the world, other people and crucially ourselves all the time.

If we spend a lot of time telling ourselves how stupid we are, what fools we have been, how we should be doing this or that differently, it is little wonder that we feel beaten up inside.  Self criticism and shame, guilt and blame too often rule the roost.  They leave us feeling worn out and worthless.

It doesn’t have to be this way.  When we learn about Compassion, when we start to treat ourselves in a more kindly way then our internal landscape begins to change.  We can catch ourselves in the act of beating ourselves up and we can choose to adopt a different tone, a kindly tone.  When we start to make a bit of distance from our thoughts we can listen to them in a different way.  We can choose different word, kinder words.  This will make such a difference.  We have nothing to lose except our misery.  Why not try it today?

I wrote “KINDLY WORDS” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you talk to yourself?
  • Do you beat yourself up mentally, or are you learning to speak to yourself more kindly?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

KINDLY WORDS

 

Sometimes a something happens, and it comes out of the blue,

It’s a something unexpected and right now we’re in a stew

As the shame and blame start swirling, and of logic there is none,

We’re a mass of seething feelings, and compassion is long gone.

For the moment we’re bewildered, we’re in shock, and so it’s hard

To reach any kind of clarity, as reason we discard

And give in to high emotion, flooding through us turbulently,

But if we will let it flow through then eventually we’ll see

That beyond the high emotion we can reach a calmer place,

We can call on our compassion to this turbulence displace

And start easing our discomfort, if we try it now we’ll find

That it has the power to soothe us both in body and in mind.

So, no matter what has happened let us take some time out now

And breathe slowly ‘til the rhythm starts to calm us down somehow,

And let us still the strident voices that are causing us such grief,

And replace them with some kindly words that can bring us relief.

© Corinne Shields, 2018

If you enjoyed “KINDLY WORDS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

Last night I was having trouble sleeping.  I was going over and over something that had happened that was causing me grief when I remembered selfcompassion.org, Dr Kristin Neff’s wonderful website.  I headed over and clicked on to one of her guided meditations.

There is one entitled “Soften, Soothe, Allow: Working with emotions in the body.”  It’s a 15 minute meditation specifically designed for dealing with difficult emotions and it did the trick for me.

You don’t need to wait until you are having trouble sleeping.  Take a look now and put it in your tool kit.  That’s what it’s all about really.  Life doesn’t stop being difficult because we are practicing Compassion.  Life will always be difficult, that’s Life.  But if we are willing, we can learn about tools that can help us to deal with Life’s difficulties more skilfully.  Compassion is one of those tools.  I am glad I found it.

ACTivation Point!

SO …………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and HARD TIMES

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

 

Q: How can I get through the dark times?

A: Be kind to yourself.  Know that this too shall pass.  Beyond the darkness there is light.

Image result for inspirational picture quotes self compassion

 

Nobody likes dark times.  It is human nature to pull away from suffering, to move away from what hurts us and to move towards what pleases us.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It is the natural human reaction.

However, life is not all about good times.  We know that.  Being human it goes with the territory that we will all get our share, not always our fair share you might say, of the good, bad and indifferent that life has to offer.  The skill then becomes how to deal with it all.  How to live a life where we can accept with more equanimity all these things that life will inevitably bring.

Most of us have no difficulty in dealing pretty well with the good stuff.  When things are going well we may not appreciate it as much as we might, may even come to expect that life should continue to bestow its bounties upon us, but dealing with the good stuff is not usually a problem.

Even the indifferent may not be too problematic.  True, we might wish that life were more exciting, less dull, less routine, but truth be told many of us quite like routine, are not too bothered about having our comfort zones stretched.  It’s the bad stuff that causes the difficulties!

Learning to deal with the rough stuff, the unpleasant, the unwelcome, the shocking, the unfair, the unwholesome, the list is endless really.  This is where we need a plan.  This is where we need a strategy.  ACT has a plan.  And so does Compassion.

I have written many posts which discuss how ACT can help us to deal with the dark times.  Now I want to talk about its best friend Compassion.

Compassion is a wonderful ally to have by our side in the dark times.  Being kind to ourselves when things are going wrong will be much more helpful than beating ourselves up.  For those of us who are self critical and quick to shame and blame ourselves Compassion may be a stranger.  When we decide to change that, our internal landscape begins to change too.  Try it and see.

It’s official.  Compassion is good for you.

I wrote “SHADES OF LIGHT AND DARK” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you speak to yourself in the dark times?
  • Do you think being kind to yourself is the soft option or do you think it might help you?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

SHADES OF LIGHT AND DARK

 

We can tell if we’ve made progress, if we’re in a better place,

We can look back down the year and we our ups and downs can trace,

And we can see if we’re now standing more securely than we were,

If our heart’s a little lighter, our emotions less astir.

It may be that nothing’s changed much, and yet we are pleased to see

That we’re feeling more contented, more than once we used to be,

And that we’re not so agitated by the vagaries of life,

We somehow can now accept them more, the good times and the strife.

Oh, if we have made such progress then let’s now take time to dwell

On the whys and on the wherefores that have helped us do so well,

On the strategies we’ve practiced, on what programmes we’ve relied,

And let’s appreciate our efforts, all the things that we have tried.

For we know change won’t come easy, it takes effort, sweat and tears,

Fears will not just disappear, we have to learn to manage our fears,

And it maybe our compassion is the ally we have found,

That has reached for us when shaky, helped us move to solid ground.

Oh, this life was never meant to be just walking in the park,

For every time we walk in brightness there’ll be times we walk in dark

And disregarding our resistance, Life says, “Don’t you hiss and spit,

I’ve bequeathed you all you need so you must just get on with it.”

And though we wish that it were other, it’s in dark times that we find

All the jewels that evolution has bequeathed us in our mind,

And if we find that we’ve made progress and the future looks more bright,

‘Twill most likely be the dark times taught us how to reach the light.

© Corinne Shields, 2018

If you enjoyed, “SHADES OF LIGHT AND DARK” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

If you want to learn more about Compassion, and I really hope you do, then there are some great resources on line.  I particularly like the work of Dr Kristin Neff.  She is one of the leading authorities on Compassion and Self Compassion and I visit her site often.  You can find it at selfcompassion.org

There is a wealth of material including videos, guided meditations, exercises, tips for practice, resources etc.  Do go and visit.  You will not be disappointed.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and A TRIBUTE TO CHARLIE

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

 

Q: I am so sad for what I have lost.  How can I get over it?

A: Give it time and be kind to yourself.  Remember, this too shall pass.

Image result for inspirational picture quotes kahlil gibran suffering and delight

We have just lost our lovely dog, Charlie.  We shared our lives for nine years and during that time we had many adventures and he brought so much joy and happiness into our lives.  When he passed away it was devastating.  He was not only a dog, he was our dog, and we loved him.  We miss him so much.

As I am writing this tears are starting to spill.  It is going to take a long time to get over it.  But that is right surely.  When we lose something or someone we love it is right that we should be sad.  That is the mark of our caring, it is the proof that we did care.  Although we do not welcome in pain and suffering sometimes it is the price that we must pay for the joy and happiness that we have enjoyed.

Sometimes the pain is so intense that we feel that we will never get over it.  We determine that we are never going to open ourselves up to such pain again and we start to withdraw, to shut down.  That is perhaps a natural reaction but it is a pity.  Because when we close down we shut ourselves off from so much potential joy and happiness.  Is the avoidance of pain worth it, is it even possible?  Probably not.

Human experience is full of all sorts of emotion, and pain and suffering is part and parcel of it.  When pain and suffering come to visit, as they surely will, let’s be kind to ourselves.  Let’s remind ourselves that this too shall pass.  And let’s not be afraid to feel our feelings, to honour them even.  When we have loved and lost there will be pain, there must be.  But rather than trying to deny it, decry it, we could honour what we have lost and wear our pain as a badge of pride.

I am doing that for Charlie and this is a tribute for him.

I wrote “A BADGE OF PRIDE” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you cope when you lose something or someone you love?
  • How have you learned to deal with your sadness?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

A BADGE OF PRIDE

 

It’s hard to lose something we love, it’s hard to be in pain,

And it’s hard to summon the energy to try to start again,

And it’s hard to just surrender and to let the pain flow through,

But sometimes, though it is hard, it is the best thing we can do.

When we try to block our suffering it just gets more intense,

And when we’re trying to deflect it, it is like it takes offence

And determines to remind us that we cannot it outwit,

For sometimes it’s simply better we just learn to live with it.

And there’s something rather noble in a pain rightfully there,

It’s the proof that what we’ve lost was worthy of the pain we bear,

And if we allocate it time and space, don’t try from it to hide,

Then the pain that we’re now feeling can become a badge of pride.

 

© Corinne Shields, 2018

If you enjoyed “A BADGE OF PRIDE” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

When something awful happens Compassion can be our best friend, Compassion that we receive from others and Compassion that we give to ourselves.

During this sad time I took much comfort from the lovely messages that I received from friends and family.  Many of them had gone through the same thing and so, of course, they understood.  Letting others show compassion to us helps both us and them, so let’s not be stingy about it.  A special mention to my lovely friend Denise.  She loved Charlie too and I know how upset she was.  We cried together.  It helped, it helped alot.

Allowing ourselves to be upset, giving ourselves permission to grieve is not soft, it is sensible, it is kind, it is the right thing to do.  So let’s honour our pain, let’s accept it and give it time to pass through.  And let’s remember that compassion is not something that we reserve for other people.  It is something that we can give to ourselves too.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and OUR INBUILT SOOTHING SYSTEM

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

 

Q:  How can I improve my life?

A:  Be kind to yourself!

Image result for inspirational picture quotes self compassion

 

We really do have an inbuilt soothing system you know.  We may not be very familiar with it, we may be very sceptical about it, deny it even, but it is there, always at our disposal if we care to use it.

Another name for our inbuilt soothing system is compassion.  Compassion is that quality of kindness, empathy, sympathy that, too often, we reserve for other people.  But compassion is the same whether we give it to others or give it to ourselves.  The quality of compassion does not change.

We know what it is, what it feels like, because we will have given it out freely to other people, animals, the environment, at some time or another.  When we have seen someone in trouble, a lost child, an animal in distress, pollution in the environment, we will have felt something pull at our heartstrings, we will have felt something soften inside.  If we have had an instinctive reaction to reach out to someone, something else, to relieve suffering, that is compassion.  The trick now is to learn how to harness it and give it to ourselves.  The gift of self compassion, that is our challenge.

Is it worth it?  Yes it is.  Self compassion will improve our lives no end!  Science confirms it.  It’s official.  Compassion is good for you.

I wrote “OUR INBUILT SOOTHING SYSTEM” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • Are you a fan of self compassion?
  • Have you learned how to harness its power to soothe yourself?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

 

OUR INBUILT SOOTHING SYSTEM

 

Maybe we had a bad day, faced some pretty awful things,

Had to make some space for suffering which every life-time brings,

And found out though we could fix most things, we couldn’t fix them all,

So, we called on our compassion to composure reinstall.

Oh, when fears are coursing through us and our heart begins to pound

It is hard to find some peace of mind when thoughts are swirling round,

And as one feeds on another in a maelstrom we are caught,

It can happen in an instant, and it all starts with a thought.

When we’re in this situation then the best thing we can do

Is to breathe into our fears and give them space to move on through,

And rely on our compassion, it is there to still our fears,

So, let’s use the power within us ‘til composure reappears.

It’s a wonderful endowment, and it’s ours to freely use,

We are always in its orbit, it is always ours to choose,

Yet we often are reluctant to call on its healing powers,

Are we mad, or are we stupid, these are powers and they are ours.

And so next time that we are reeling from the bad day we’ve endured,

And our fears are running rampant, and a maelstrom is assured,

Let’s be ready to combat it with this wondrous power within,

And use our inbuilt soothing system so that healing can begin.

© Corinne Shields, 2017

If you enjoyed, “OUR INBUILT SOOTHING SYSTEM” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

Learning about self compassion is a wonderful thing.  It can be a real revelation, this realisation that there is another way to live our lives.  We don’t always have to be fighting, fleeing, achieving.  We can live in a more peaceful way, we can inhabit a different world within.

Like anything else though, if we want to make changes we are going to have to make an effort.  We are going to have to seek out teachers, resources, to help us.  Fortunately there is a mass of wonderful stuff at a click of the finger.  That is what is so great about living in this day and age.  New Technology makes it all possible, right here, right now.

Why not do yourself a favour, just type “self compassion” into the search bar and see where it takes you.  Start your own journey.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne