ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and THE REAL THING

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

Q: Why is it so important to do the real thing?

A: Because if you don’t you are only play acting. You’ll be hollow at your core.

It’s not easy saying no, especially if we’re used to saying yes.  It’s not easy disappointing people, especially if we are people-pleasers. It’s not easy upsetting someone, especially if we crave their approval. It’s not easy, but sometimes it’s essential.

It is not good for us to constantly put our own wishes, needs, desires on the back-burner. It’s not good for us to automatically put other people’s priorities before our own. It’s not good for us to quickly consign our own plans to the bottom of the heap just because someone else implies theirs are more important. None of this is good for us, for our sense of self worth.

What message are we sending to ourselves when we say that what we want is not important, what we like doing is insignificant, what matters to us is not worth prioritising?

We do teach other people how to treat us. If we are always ready to let their needs over-ride our own, we should not be surprised if they don’t think our needs are important. If we don’t value them, why should anyone else?

We all have things that matter to us, really matter. These are the things that make us feel right, at ease with ourselves, in harmony with our deepest being. These are not things to trivialise, to treat with disrespect. These are the things that for us are the real thing. Of course our real thing won’t matter to someone else. Why should it? They have their own real thing to bother about.

The trouble is that when we don’t do what matters to us, when we neglect the things that make us feel alive, we will pay a price. We will feel jittery and dis-satisfied inside because we are not feeding ourselves what we need.

Some of us may have spent so much time pleasing others that we’re not at all sure what really pleases us. If this is the case then it’s high time that we found out. We owe it to ourselves to do the real thing, and to do it more often. When we do this we feel good inside, and then we have more to give away. We can’t pour from an empty cup.

And don’t let’s beat ourselves up about any of this. Let’s treat ourselves with the same compassion that many of us spend a lot of time dishing out to others. Treating ourselves well does not mean treating everyone else badly. Not at all. Everyone’s a winner when we are doing the real thing, when we are being authentic. When we feel good inside then we have more of that goodness to give away.

I wrote “EVERYONE’S A WINNER” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you make time to do the real thing, to do what matters to you?
  • Is authenticity something you value in your own life?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

EVERYONE’S A WINNER

Committing to the real thing, now that can be rather hard,

To discard the easy options and the real thing to safe-guard,

As we ward off all intruders who would steal our energy,

And be determined that usurpers will be seen off finally.

There is no-one to protect it, so it’s we who must be strong,

Be resistant to time-snatchers, and tell them to move along,

For though the real thing is essential for our peace and happiness,

It is a bother to the others who want more from us not less.

And so, let’s not be easy pickings for the ones who would prefer

That we set aside the real thing as to their wants we defer,

For though it may not seem important to distinguish yours and mine

It will be too late complaining if you rise as we decline.

And there’ll be time enough for sharing and for comforting and more,

But if we neglect the real thing we’ll be hollow at our core,

And no amount of substitution or addressing other’s needs

Will compensate us for the real thing as it bit by bit recedes.

And so, let’s not be slow to woo it, nor to keep it close at hand,

For when we spend time with the real thing then we come to understand

That when we’re satisfied inside us there is no room for dismay,

And everyone’s a winner when we’ve more to give away.

© Corinne Shields, 2019

If you enjoyed “EVERYONE’S A WINNER” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) puts enormous store by authenticity. Values work is one of its core principles. When we discover what our values are and use them as our guide, then we are on the road to living an authentic life. A value-driven life will mean that we will be doing the real thing more often, and when we’re not we will have a yardstick to measure by.

On a personal note, doing my real thing means spending regular time writing. I try to post weekly. It’s good for me. It helps me to focus on things that matter to me, and I hope others enjoy reading what I write.

And, of course, I am writing my book, or books if things go according to plan. This plan, such as it is, won’t come to much if I don’t stay committed. This is why ACT is important to me. ACT is about accepting things we can’t change but it is about committing to things that we can, things that are important and reflect our values.

So, I plod on, doing a bit each day, and in time, not too long I hope, I will have something concrete to show for it.

Progress this week has included changing the title and the proposed cover for the book. In the last post I shared the working title:

Now I’ve changed my mind. It is, after all, just like me, a work in progress.

And I’ve finished writing the book!! So, progress is being made. And, perhaps more importantly, when I am involved in it I feel I am doing the real thing!!!!

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

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ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and HIGH EMOTION

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

Q: What can I do with high emotions?

A: Turn them into creative fuel. Create something new.

High emotions are not always welcome but they are a part and parcel of being human. As such, learning to deal with them in an effective way can only be a good thing.

Of course some of our high emotions we love and want to get more of, but some, some of them we dread, resist and want to get rid of. This is easier said than done. When emotions get a hold of us they are not easily dislodged. Controlling them once they are in full flood is pretty nigh impossible.

All sorts of terrible things can happen when we are in the grip of high emotions. We say things we don’t mean, we do things we regret, we act completely out of character, because are out of character. When emotions are ruling the roost we may not recognise ourselves. They are that powerful.

If we are wise then we have learned useful strategies to deal with them. Some of us use physical exercise to get them out of our system. Some of us find a willing ear and bend it until the emotion has been rationalised or dissipated. Some of us use defusion techniques to stand back and observe what is happening to us dispassionately. Some of us have learned meditative practices which can soothe and calm us.

Other strategies are not so useful. Unable to control or cope with high emotions some of us self medicate, using a variety of drugs in a bid to reduce their unwanted effects. We drink, drug, shop, gamble, bed-hop, the list is only limited by our imagination.

But how many of us use that other strategy, that wonderful strategy, that amazing strategy that actually takes the fuel and energy of high emotion and channels it into creativity? If you already do it then you know how incredible that can be. If you don’t then I urge you to try it. It could be the beginning of something life-changing.

Next time high emotion is coursing through you why not see what happens when you use its potent energy to see where it takes you in a creative sense? You have absolutely nothing to lose.

I don’t like being in the grip of high emotion, but I have learned that when it arises it gives me an opportunity to create something new. I never know what it is going to be, but all my best work comes out of it.

High emotion can make us slightly mad, barmy even. Logic and reason go out of the window as soon as it enters the door. But creativity is not born out of logic and reason, it is born out of other things, and high emotion is one of them.

I wrote “HIGH EMOTION” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you deal with your own high emotions?
  • Have you discovered creativity through them?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

HIGH EMOTION

Although we may not like it, high emotion can be used

As a fuel for creativity, to stir the sleeping muse

That lies dormant in hiatuses, the lulls before the storm,

And then springs us into action, creativity takes form.

When we’re resting in the shallows there is not much going on,

Just a little gentle lapping ‘ere the rippling is gone,

But when a drama comes to meet us, or by crisis we are trapped,

Then our body’s called to action and our essences are tapped.

And it’s then that we can use it, all this burning from within,

As we step out from the shallows and creation can begin,

As emotion drives us forward to a place ‘til now unknown,

And a something new emerges from the seeds emotion’s sown.

© Corinne Shields, 2019

If you enjoyed HIGH EMOTION” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

ACT teaches us to defuse from thoughts and emotions as a means of reducing their hold over us. When we can stand back and view them from a distance we are no-longer sucked into them. This is a wonderful and effective tool to have in in our tool kit.

Using the energy they produce to fuel our creativity puts another amazing tool at our disposal. Emotions are part and parcel of who we are. They are not going anywhere soon. When we learn to deal with them in effective ways, when we are no-longer afraid of them and can even learn to accept them, welcome them even, our lives will improve.

Emotions lend light and shade to our existence. Without them we would just be robots. Robots are not human, they are robots. ACT suggests many strategies to help us to live with our emotions in positive ways. It is not about denying them or trying to get rid of them, it is about coming to understand them. Creativity is a wonderful way to come to understand our emotions, to use their energy in an illustrious way.

If you want to learn more about the potent power of Creativity, Elizabeth Gilbert’s book “Big Magic” is a wonderful read.

Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

So often have I been in the grip of high emotion that I have an enormous body of work that I have produced! Sadly, alot of this has emerged out of pain and suffering! Oh dear.

Nevertheless I do have something to show for it. All that high emotion has been captured in countless notebooks. I write my way out of trouble. I am hopeful, no more than that, I am determined that some of that is going to see the light of day. I am in the process of compiling and then self publishing a series of books. I do have a working title:

“How to Live Well and Stress Less – 20 Awesome Gifts for the Soul –  Because it’s hard being human.”

Book cover yet to be designed but this at least pretties it up!

Still a way to go, but this time I’m going to make it happen! I owe it to my Creativity.

I am ending this post as I began it with a quote from Albert Einstein, one of the greatest thinkers of all time.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, some Creativity into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life? Is Creativity important to you?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne