ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and SELF TALK

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

Q: How can I start to feel better?

A: Speak to yourself with kindly words and a gentle tone.

The way we speak to ourselves is really important.  The words we use, the tone of voice we employ, the type of self talk we indulge in, it really matters.

Many of us are probably not aware of the running commentary that goes on incessantly in our heads; many of us probably pay little attention to the way that we treat ourselves mentally.  And yet we are with ourselves all day, every day, talking to ourselves, commenting on everything, judging the world, other people and crucially ourselves all the time.

If we spend a lot of time telling ourselves how stupid we are, what fools we have been, how we should be doing this or that differently, it is little wonder that we feel beaten up inside.  Self criticism and shame, guilt and blame too often rule the roost.  They leave us feeling worn out and worthless.

It doesn’t have to be this way.  When we learn about Compassion, when we start to treat ourselves in a more kindly way then our internal landscape begins to change.  We can catch ourselves in the act of beating ourselves up and we can choose to adopt a different tone, a kindly tone.  When we start to make a bit of distance from our thoughts we can listen to them in a different way.  We can choose different word, kinder words.  This will make such a difference.  We have nothing to lose except our misery.  Why not try it today?

I wrote “KINDLY WORDS” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you talk to yourself?
  • Do you beat yourself up mentally, or are you learning to speak to yourself more kindly?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

KINDLY WORDS

 

Sometimes a something happens, and it comes out of the blue,

It’s a something unexpected and right now we’re in a stew

As the shame and blame start swirling, and of logic there is none,

We’re a mass of seething feelings, and compassion is long gone.

For the moment we’re bewildered, we’re in shock, and so it’s hard

To reach any kind of clarity, as reason we discard

And give in to high emotion, flooding through us turbulently,

But if we will let it flow through then eventually we’ll see

That beyond the high emotion we can reach a calmer place,

We can call on our compassion to this turbulence displace

And start easing our discomfort, if we try it now we’ll find

That it has the power to soothe us both in body and in mind.

So, no matter what has happened let us take some time out now

And breathe slowly ‘til the rhythm starts to calm us down somehow,

And let us still the strident voices that are causing us such grief,

And replace them with some kindly words that can bring us relief.

© Corinne Shields, 2018

If you enjoyed “KINDLY WORDS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

Last night I was having trouble sleeping.  I was going over and over something that had happened that was causing me grief when I remembered selfcompassion.org, Dr Kristin Neff’s wonderful website.  I headed over and clicked on to one of her guided meditations.

There is one entitled “Soften, Soothe, Allow: Working with emotions in the body.”  It’s a 15 minute meditation specifically designed for dealing with difficult emotions and it did the trick for me.

You don’t need to wait until you are having trouble sleeping.  Take a look now and put it in your tool kit.  That’s what it’s all about really.  Life doesn’t stop being difficult because we are practicing Compassion.  Life will always be difficult, that’s Life.  But if we are willing, we can learn about tools that can help us to deal with Life’s difficulties more skilfully.  Compassion is one of those tools.  I am glad I found it.

ACTivation Point!

SO …………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

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ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and HARD TIMES

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

 

Q: How can I get through the dark times?

A: Be kind to yourself.  Know that this too shall pass.  Beyond the darkness there is light.

Image result for inspirational picture quotes self compassion

 

Nobody likes dark times.  It is human nature to pull away from suffering, to move away from what hurts us and to move towards what pleases us.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It is the natural human reaction.

However, life is not all about good times.  We know that.  Being human it goes with the territory that we will all get our share, not always our fair share you might say, of the good, bad and indifferent that life has to offer.  The skill then becomes how to deal with it all.  How to live a life where we can accept with more equanimity all these things that life will inevitably bring.

Most of us have no difficulty in dealing pretty well with the good stuff.  When things are going well we may not appreciate it as much as we might, may even come to expect that life should continue to bestow its bounties upon us, but dealing with the good stuff is not usually a problem.

Even the indifferent may not be too problematic.  True, we might wish that life were more exciting, less dull, less routine, but truth be told many of us quite like routine, are not too bothered about having our comfort zones stretched.  It’s the bad stuff that causes the difficulties!

Learning to deal with the rough stuff, the unpleasant, the unwelcome, the shocking, the unfair, the unwholesome, the list is endless really.  This is where we need a plan.  This is where we need a strategy.  ACT has a plan.  And so does Compassion.

I have written many posts which discuss how ACT can help us to deal with the dark times.  Now I want to talk about its best friend Compassion.

Compassion is a wonderful ally to have by our side in the dark times.  Being kind to ourselves when things are going wrong will be much more helpful than beating ourselves up.  For those of us who are self critical and quick to shame and blame ourselves Compassion may be a stranger.  When we decide to change that, our internal landscape begins to change too.  Try it and see.

It’s official.  Compassion is good for you.

I wrote “SHADES OF LIGHT AND DARK” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you speak to yourself in the dark times?
  • Do you think being kind to yourself is the soft option or do you think it might help you?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

SHADES OF LIGHT AND DARK

 

We can tell if we’ve made progress, if we’re in a better place,

We can look back down the year and we our ups and downs can trace,

And we can see if we’re now standing more securely than we were,

If our heart’s a little lighter, our emotions less astir.

It may be that nothing’s changed much, and yet we are pleased to see

That we’re feeling more contented, more than once we used to be,

And that we’re not so agitated by the vagaries of life,

We somehow can now accept them more, the good times and the strife.

Oh, if we have made such progress then let’s now take time to dwell

On the whys and on the wherefores that have helped us do so well,

On the strategies we’ve practiced, on what programmes we’ve relied,

And let’s appreciate our efforts, all the things that we have tried.

For we know change won’t come easy, it takes effort, sweat and tears,

Fears will not just disappear, we have to learn to manage our fears,

And it maybe our compassion is the ally we have found,

That has reached for us when shaky, helped us move to solid ground.

Oh, this life was never meant to be just walking in the park,

For every time we walk in brightness there’ll be times we walk in dark

And disregarding our resistance, Life says, “Don’t you hiss and spit,

I’ve bequeathed you all you need so you must just get on with it.”

And though we wish that it were other, it’s in dark times that we find

All the jewels that evolution has bequeathed us in our mind,

And if we find that we’ve made progress and the future looks more bright,

‘Twill most likely be the dark times taught us how to reach the light.

© Corinne Shields, 2018

If you enjoyed, “SHADES OF LIGHT AND DARK” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

If you want to learn more about Compassion, and I really hope you do, then there are some great resources on line.  I particularly like the work of Dr Kristin Neff.  She is one of the leading authorities on Compassion and Self Compassion and I visit her site often.  You can find it at selfcompassion.org

There is a wealth of material including videos, guided meditations, exercises, tips for practice, resources etc.  Do go and visit.  You will not be disappointed.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne

ACT, its best friend COMPASSION, and A TRIBUTE TO CHARLIE

ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE of inspirational quotes, poems and other act goodies!
And introducing COMPASSION, ACT’s best friend!

 

Q: I am so sad for what I have lost.  How can I get over it?

A: Give it time and be kind to yourself.  Remember, this too shall pass.

Image result for inspirational picture quotes kahlil gibran suffering and delight

We have just lost our lovely dog, Charlie.  We shared our lives for nine years and during that time we had many adventures and he brought so much joy and happiness into our lives.  When he passed away it was devastating.  He was not only a dog, he was our dog, and we loved him.  We miss him so much.

As I am writing this tears are starting to spill.  It is going to take a long time to get over it.  But that is right surely.  When we lose something or someone we love it is right that we should be sad.  That is the mark of our caring, it is the proof that we did care.  Although we do not welcome in pain and suffering sometimes it is the price that we must pay for the joy and happiness that we have enjoyed.

Sometimes the pain is so intense that we feel that we will never get over it.  We determine that we are never going to open ourselves up to such pain again and we start to withdraw, to shut down.  That is perhaps a natural reaction but it is a pity.  Because when we close down we shut ourselves off from so much potential joy and happiness.  Is the avoidance of pain worth it, is it even possible?  Probably not.

Human experience is full of all sorts of emotion, and pain and suffering is part and parcel of it.  When pain and suffering come to visit, as they surely will, let’s be kind to ourselves.  Let’s remind ourselves that this too shall pass.  And let’s not be afraid to feel our feelings, to honour them even.  When we have loved and lost there will be pain, there must be.  But rather than trying to deny it, decry it, we could honour what we have lost and wear our pain as a badge of pride.

I am doing that for Charlie and this is a tribute for him.

I wrote “A BADGE OF PRIDE” to remind me of that.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • How do you cope when you lose something or someone you love?
  • How have you learned to deal with your sadness?
  • What can you share that might be of help to others?

Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

POEM FOR TODAY

A BADGE OF PRIDE

 

It’s hard to lose something we love, it’s hard to be in pain,

And it’s hard to summon the energy to try to start again,

And it’s hard to just surrender and to let the pain flow through,

But sometimes, though it is hard, it is the best thing we can do.

When we try to block our suffering it just gets more intense,

And when we’re trying to deflect it, it is like it takes offence

And determines to remind us that we cannot it outwit,

For sometimes it’s simply better we just learn to live with it.

And there’s something rather noble in a pain rightfully there,

It’s the proof that what we’ve lost was worthy of the pain we bear,

And if we allocate it time and space, don’t try from it to hide,

Then the pain that we’re now feeling can become a badge of pride.

 

© Corinne Shields, 2018

If you enjoyed “A BADGE OF PRIDE” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.

And just before you go …..

A final word from ACT, and its best friend COMPASSION ……..

When something awful happens Compassion can be our best friend, Compassion that we receive from others and Compassion that we give to ourselves.

During this sad time I took much comfort from the lovely messages that I received from friends and family.  Many of them had gone through the same thing and so, of course, they understood.  Letting others show compassion to us helps both us and them, so let’s not be stingy about it.  A special mention to my lovely friend Denise.  She loved Charlie too and I know how upset she was.  We cried together.  It helped, it helped alot.

Allowing ourselves to be upset, giving ourselves permission to grieve is not soft, it is sensible, it is kind, it is the right thing to do.  So let’s honour our pain, let’s accept it and give it time to pass through.  And let’s remember that compassion is not something that we reserve for other people.  It is something that we can give to ourselves too.

ACTivation Point!

SO ……………………….

How about YOU?

What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life? What can YOU do just for today to add some Compassion, some Kindness, into your life?

 Just for today I will ………………………

If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you? Is Compassion part of your life?

I am a student of ACT, I am learning about Compassion.  I am on a journey.  I would love you to join me.

With all good wishes

Corinne