ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) – AN ONLINE RESOURCE
Q: How can I create better memories?
A: Be kinder
This post was inspired by a conversation that I had with a friend of mine recently. At our stage in life it is not a bad idea to start thinking about what we really want to get out of the next few years when, God willing, we still have our health and our faculties!
After the usual list of places to go, people to see, things to experience, she said something that really struck a chord with me. She said, “Be kinder! The kinder we are the more lovely memories we are creating.” And she is right, isn’t she? It’s too easy to be snappy and impatient, especially with the people closest to us, the people who just happen to be in our orbit physically and emotionally. Being kinder means we will be constantly creating more lovely memories to look back on, memories we can be proud of.
As if this needed reinforcing I was reading a post by the lovely Gabriele at The Wellness Worx yesterday, and guess what it was on exactly the same topic. The post was entitled “Achieving Inner Character” and Gabriele was talking about a book that she had recently read by David Brooks, a New York Columnist.
What I particularly liked was the distinction that was made between resume virtues and eulogy virtues.
“David refers to two sides of virtues: the resume virtues and the eulogy virtues. We believe the eulogy virtues are the more important virtues. Many of us know this. These are the virtues discussed at your funeral—kindness, compassion, faithfulness, honesty. However, in our culture we are taught the skills and strategies to achieve the resume virtues—those we use to succeed in the marketplace. The things we view as markers for success—beauty, status, career, power. Many of us are clearer on how to build an external image than we are on how to build inner character. David wanted to know how those people he had met built their inner character.”
If you want to find out more then visit Gabriele at “The Wellness Worx”. It makes for fascinating reading.
As usual, this Friday post was also inspired by the weekly event that Carol hosts at Writeful Mind. Feel-Good Friday has become something that I think about during the week, and although ACT and Acts of Kindness wasn’t really written with that in mind, when I had written it I realised it fitted the bill.
The kinder we are, the better we feel. Sounds just right for Feel-Good Friday to me!
HOW ABOUT YOU?
- Is kindness an important part of your life?
- What do you think about the resume and eulogy virtues?
- What can you share that might be of help to others?
Please leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
POEM FOR TODAY
ACTS OF KINDNESS
We always can be kinder, it isn’t hard to do,
We don’t need a special talent, it just takes a moment to
Still a tongue that would be bitter, find a smile to give away,
Yes, it’s easy to be kinder and we can begin today.
It will save us those occasions when we’re looking back in shame
On a series of exchanges when we played the blaming game,
When a strident voice was shouting and suddenly we knew
If we asked, “Who’s that shouting?” the reply would be, “It’s you!”
So we’d do well to plump for kindness, gentle words that can defuse
Sensitivities arising, we can learn to pick and choose
Kindly words to quell a quarrel, graciousness to staunch a flow
Of a conflict just erupting, we can choose to let it go.
And in the midst of all this kindness there’s a prize that’s ours to win
Of a benefit reciprocal, a feeling from within
That when we choose an act of kindness ‘stead of going on the attack,
We are making better memories for when we’re looking back.
© Corinne Shields, 2015
If you enjoyed, “ACTS OF KINDNESS” please pass it on, and do leave your comments. I would love to hear from you.
And just before you go …..
A final word from ACT …..
I suppose that another way of looking at “eulogy virtues and resume virtues” would be in terms of what ACT refers to as values or goals. And they are different, aren’t they? Goals are the tangible things that we can measure by success or failure to achieve, the signposts along the way. Values are the direction of travel.
I like the way David Brooks makes the distinction between external image and inner character. It is a helpful way of better understanding the difference between values and goals. Brooks maintains that eulogy virtues are more important and enduring than resume virtues. I think that ACT would share that view.
Which brings us to the ACTivation Point!
How about YOU?
What can YOU do just for today to ACTivate your life?
Just for today I will ………………………
If you have read this far, please do leave your comments. How is ACT helping you?
I am a student of ACT. I am on a journey. I would love you to join me.
With all good wishes